Dear

Dear God,

First of all, I would like to apologize I haven't spoken to you lately. You know, things are changing and all I do everytime is catching up.  Because I don't want to be left behind. It's scary you know, when everything is just passing away. It makes me insecure. I told you about my insecurities, didn't I?

I tried to make time, but ... Well, I won't say that I didn't have time. As you know, I don't believe in 'I don't have time' thing. Because we always have a time, we live in a time spectrum. There's always time in your life. But - I have to say this - apparently I'm not thoughtful enough to make the time. 

All my posts lately all about negativity, insecurities, fear and gluttony. It describes my life. Well, I don't wanna be sound like suicidal emo girl but...  I can say that now I'm at my worst. I would type pages about this thing but... I know it will just make it worse. 

So, instead of whining, I would like to be grateful. I rarely say grace, praise or a simple thank you. It won't help me much but I just want to this be remembered.

Thank you for the life and the healthiness, well I'm far far aways from ideal or healthy but this is enough. Thank you for the family, we've been struggling hard lately but yeah we always survive since 1989. My mom just had her 50th birthday by the way, and before that my dad turned 54th. Also, Thank you for the gorgeous sisters. H is turning to a thoughtful, sweet, nice slash crazy person. All she wants is happiness for others. And M, how can I say. She is so kind hearted and strong girl, she is definitely a keeper. And thank you for the super husband. He's like a first sip of hot tea in the winter. Warm and peace. He has a big heart and super beautiful mind. In him, I found peace. With him, I feel secure. He doesn't have everything but he gives me everyhting I need. I just love him being himself. And his simplicity is the best.

And also for the job, the thing that keeps me sane, a place full of every adjective, this past 2 years I believe I *slightly* become a better person. And this job makes me raise my game. Mostly I still insecure but sometimes I say 'what the hell, just do it' or 'bring it on, bichas'. Something like that.

Thank you thank you for the friends. You know I hate people, and being around people. I can't thank you enough for the girls. Well, you know we are now pursuing each's dream, we rarely see each other, gossiping or so but it is okay. They always got my back. 

Thank you for the food, thank you for the money, thank you for the mass transportation, thank you for everything. 

I know thank you  or being grateful is never enough for you. Sorry, if You're reading my mind when I was typing this, you know the reason why. You always know everything.

I think that's all. Thank you for being always here and there. I miss you. I just don't know how to get you.

Anyway, I was writing this in the middle of my overtime. Need to work, need to get this database done.

Adieu.